sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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