my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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