I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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