She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
