i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
