After last night, I could never be a politician.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
