sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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