cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
