just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
nutella sex= disaster
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
