just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
