Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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