well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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