My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I need moral support for this bender
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
