Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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