WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
