i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
