I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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