he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
