How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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