dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
vagina is talking i cant
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
