So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
