porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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