Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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