so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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