WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
