I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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