im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
