The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
