btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
