yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
