It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
