Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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