You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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