you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
