I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
