I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
