omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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