this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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