The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
