There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Blood and glitter go together right?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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