I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
