Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
