life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
