So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize