Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
