Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Two words: blizzard sex
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
