but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize