Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
