That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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