I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I smell stomach acid.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
