you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
