so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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