John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
