we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
