Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
