I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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