Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
