I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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