we have pet lesbian snakes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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