life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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