OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
