After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
