I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
