we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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