i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
