if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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