Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
