JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We are two peas in an std pod
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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