He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
