he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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